It's all about timing......

When I'm ready to leave US, then I'm getting call for phone interview. What's going on with the timing man? Can't you call me a little bit sooner or something? So what should I do now? Postponing my flight and take a risk of not getting a job? Gheezzzzz...........

Thoughts and updates

I know, I know. It's been a while since the last post. Finally decided to log in here, move the cursor to "New Post"......

Nothing changed much since the last post. Another excuse for not writing it down. Can't really remember all the details of things that happened. Maybe I wasn't really paying a lot of attention to my surrounding. Been living in my own tiny little bubble. The only thing I realized is, this summer has been mild and hopefully its not the calm before storm.

This summer, picked up golfing and been going to the driving range a lot. Wanted to get better desperately. Yeah I know, even in my blog talked about golf. Well at least I found something that I really want to be good at. Might be one of those things that the passion fades pretty quickly. We'll see. Finally have the feeling that I'm actually living my life. Might be the "Yes Man" effect. But no worries, I'm only saying Yes to things that I want to do. Living my life with more variety instead of starring at my screen and kill people in the virtual world. Outdoor activities are so much more interesting.

Fairness. We all seek for it and usually don't see everything turns out to be fair. We always think retribution will come to those who did harm to people but maybe the bad person (from our perspective), might have done something good else where that surpasses his bad deeds. I might not have harmed anybody but I didn't do anything good enough. Still an average person that deserves nothing.

Maybe....

Maybe I should not be writing my blog now. Maybe I should be doing my slides for tomorrow's presentation now. Maybe things will get better next year. Maybe I will survive 2009. Maybe things would not be that bad we tell the truth all the time. Maybe things would be that bad if we know the truth. Maybe it is a blessing to be innocent. Maybe we should always stand up for ourselves. Maybe we should be the weakest sometime. Maybe someone, tell me what to do, tell me what to say. Maybe...... Maybe......

no time for a title

Three weeks from tomorrow, I will be sitting for my 4th Actuarial Exam. To be more precise, it's my 3.5th exam. Have been trying hard to isolate myself from my computer and friends, so that I can piece my mind together and focus on the study material. It's hard but I will try for the sake of passing the exam. Wanted to break my passing pattern so much, this will be what I have to do. My pattern is passing actuarial exam on the second trial. That's nothing to be proud of, but I was lucky enough to only have to take each exam twice. Hopefully, this one will be done with the very first sitting.

My friend has just bought himself a puppy, and he named it Addy. Kind of looking forward to meet her as I have always wanted to get a pet, but the apartment I'm currently staying don't allow any pets. Maybe it's time to move......

I really hope that things will all get better, soon. Please. At least something happen exactly the way I want it to. Really hope that after all these hard times are over, there will be brightness ahead......

Homesick......

Last Sunday, after I talked to papa and mama on the phone, I felt the worst homesick ever since I have come to the states. I missed them, the food, mamak's stall, loitering in city square, and my friends in JB. Though there are plenty of Malaysians studying in Drake, I don't feel the same way I felt towards my friends in JB. Most probably because of we all grew up with different background. Having been talked on the phone for more than two hours with one of my friends, I felt better. Thank you so much for not sleeping early.

I know this might be totally irrelevant to the topic.On the same day, I heard the news that Mr. Tan, who was a great man with the most significant contribution in teaching Malaysians how to appreciate music, passed away around 3 am Central Time zone. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/7/30/nation/21952180&sec=nation

Haven't been updating my blog for a long long time. Still with the same bad excuse of being lazy and procrastinate. I always wanted to improve my writing skills but seems like it won't work when I always come up with a lot of reasons for not posting anything new. People out there, please motivate me with some scolding............

"The only thing that is predictable about life, is its unpredictability." quote from the movie Ratatoullie. We can never predict what's going to change, and what's going to stay constant. These few months of job hunting has been wasted. It has been few months of wasting time and energy. Waiting for phone calls from companies are really not that exciting, or fun. Every morning when I woke up, turning on my computer, hoping to receive or not to receive emails from those companies that I applied. Hope to receive emails with "We would like to schedule an interview with you...", hope not to receive emails with "While your background has many impressive aspects, we have selected candidates who more closely fit our current business needs...". This year hasn't really been treating me well. Few months of wondering around, everyday waiting for phone calls.
I have started to doubt my capability, was I really that bad until there is no place for me in the States? Luckily, I was able to somehow figure out it's not my interviewing skills problem. It's because US government had made it so hard for foreign students to get a job here. I have actually gotten a job offer from one company, but after they realized I would need sponsorship for future employment, they took the offer back. That really sucks!
All I can do now, is continue my job searching while at the same time, enroll into grad school and finish my MBA. Please, at least have one options work out for me alright? Dearest Year 2008.

Well, I can fight only 21 of them but not kill them. I might be able to get higher number by killing. Haha.
21

It's just around the corner now

Well, it's been two months and 4 days since I have graduated. But I am still JOBLESS. I have started my job searching during my final semester. Can't quite describe the feeling but kind of sad, disappointed, and regret. Is my stay in US coming to an end soon? Is it really just around the corner now? I have done several phone interviews and heard no good news from none of them yet. I think I really suck at doing phone interviews. Don't really know how to stand out from other candidates. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Man, I know it's asking about my short term goal but, how should I distinct myself? Ran out of ideas........

It's been a while

It has really been a while since my last entry. Laziness might be the only valid reason for abandoning my blog for so long. Brad Lee is planning to eliminate my name from the cousin blog ring and Mia forced me to update my blog, even my dad has long time ago given up on my blog already. haha. But thanks a lot because I would never do it without a push.

December 21st, 2007, my graduation date from Drake University. It wasn't that special after all. Nothing really happened and the day just swept away without any notice. Well maybe something did happen but it's been a while since it happened. Few days after my graduation date, I flew to Austin, TX to have the greatest reunion with my "long lost" cousins and my Da Gu Gu and Uncle Bill. Cousins who involved in the reunion were Kai, Leah, Wei, Min, and myself. My lovely brother was supposed to come but he was too busy...... We really had a lot of fun. Walking around Austin area, taking pictures of our favorite building in Austin (the capitol building), "Bomb"ing each other around, and most important thing, my first Christmas celebration in the States. It was a lot of fun during the gift unwrapping session. It was supposed to occur in the morning, but we end up unwrapping our Christmas gifts at night. The worst part is, I forgot to buy presents for both Kiki (Princess) and Yoshi. Probably that's why they got mad and took each other pictures on my bed. Oh for Christmas gifts, I really need to thank Miss Mia for remembering me while sending bags and wallets over to the states.

I have to mention this 'cause I don't want Kai to be upset. We took some great pictures with the most famous guitarist in the world, STEVE RAY VAUGHN!!!! We were SO excited about it. Wei, Min and I traveled all the way south to Austin just to get a glimpse of his statue. We were so glad that Kai took us there. Haha. Seriously, Kai and Leah had been giving us a lot of attention. They took us around, had fun with us. You guys are great!! My Da Gu Gu cooked a lot of delicious food for us and most importantly, she redeemed her mileage points for my ticket!! I couldn't do much in return but made DouFuHua in return.

That reunion had really meant a lot to me because it was the second, third, and forth time I have met them. Second for Min, third for Wei, and Kai, and the forth time for Leah, if I did not miscount it. Wei and Min have always been lovely but both of them are no longer available. Haha. Wei did not really keep it a secret but for Min, we found out the boy accidentally. Haha. Oops.....

I am sorry.........

I am sorry.......... This is a sentence when we all used when we did something wrong that affect other people. When we say we are sorry, do we really mean that? Or just for the sake of comforting our own. Since we did something wrong, we apologize to make ourself feel better and yet still don't care about others feeling. So, what's the point of saying those three words? If you don't mean it, don't say it. That only makes you a hypocrite.

Unnamed Song ~ by Yoshiki

I'm standing on the edge
And coming to my senses from my reverie
Never thought I would
Never thought I'd need to
Say goodbye I bid you farewell
My voiceless words are swaying a flame

I can't live without
I can't live without
I can't live without you
Here in the dark
I whisper your name over again
Give me the strength to seize the light
If I should find a way
I saw a dream you were flying in the sky
Without a fear
Never touched the ground
But never came to my side
I tried so hard to reach out for your hand
The ruthless wind kept your soul away

I can't live without
I can't give without
I can't breathe without you
Here in the world
Do you feel the rain
You said love takes no pain
With or without the sun
The lurid sky is still tearing me apart

Will she let freedome reign over the pain
Give me the strength to believe the words that love will find a way
I can't live without
I can't give without you
Here in the world
Do you feel the rain over the pain
Give me the strength to believe the words that love will find a way
With or without the sun
I'll be and I won't say goodbye cause I...
I know I'll be with you

Finally, got off my laziness and updating my blog now. I'VE GOTTEN AN ACTUARIAL INTERNSHIP!!!!!! Lucky me and lucky ah ting. Your chance of study abroad have slightly increased. Currently, I am working with EMC National Life Company. Everyday crunching numbers and figures. (wrote on June 7th 2007).

Everytime when I called home, my mum will always have the same question for me. When am I going to update my blog? According to her, my dad has been checking my blog frequently though it always disappointed him. The most current entry's date will always be in March. What a lazy bone here. Well, I tried to write something but whenever I begin writing, I'll have problem to continue what I was going to blog about. I hope this entry can be as long as possible, to fill in the gap between the last entry and this.

Carry on with the thing I wrote one month plus ago, numbers and figures are still my co-workers everyday. Everyday, I'll walk into my tiny little cubicle, turn on my machine and sat there from 8 til 4.30 pm. The most interesting part of this job is, my supervisor, Mark Rowley, he is going to be my professor for ACTS 151, a class I'm going to take this Fall semester. And, he's trying to get budget approval for extending my internship through Fall. Can you imagine that your boss is going to be your professor as well? My performance both in class and at work is evaluated by the same person. Hope there won't be any cross influence.

On the day before 4th of July, I did go to work. During working, I emailed my new colleague a.k.a Keving Kading about his plan for July 4th. He was going to spend his 4th of July in his lake house and invited me to come along with him. Of course I would love to join him as I didn't really have plans for 4th of July, plus it is a lake house. I doubt that I will have many chances to visit my friend's lake house. The place was named Sun Valley Lake. It is located an hour south from Des Moines. We watched fireworks on the lake, drank in his place on that night. Surprisingly, his parents were so cool to join a bunch of teenages while we were playing drinking games. The next day, I experienced my 1st water skiing. I tried a few times and the last time, I stood up a while but still wasn't able to balance and end up in the water again.

Can't believe, I blog within a month since my last post!!! Just have too much to say, but can't express how I really feel in words. Maybe it's my problem. Still can't get a job, maybe it's my problem. Couldn't really focus on what I am doing, maybe it's my problem. Something wrong between you and I, maybe it's my problem. What should I do to straighten everything? My career, my studies, you and I......

Blizzard...........

Guess what happened on Thursday? Blizzard!!!! First blizzard both in my life and since I've come to Des Moines, little pathetic capital of Iowa. No matter how strong is your desire to go out, you'll decide to cancel whatever plan you have once you look outside the window. The whole Des Moines had been shut down due to the blizzard.

On the previous Friday, which is 23rd of February, another exam down. I passed it!!!! YEAH!!!!! Finally, I am able to include two exam passed in my resume. But the sad part is, I didn't get any offer for summer internship. Sigh...... I really need to get an internship during this summer. If not, It'll be a hard time for me to get full-time job here. Can anyone get me an intern position in US please?

I know if I said it's been a long time since my last post will be kind of old school as I always said that whenever there's a big gap between the previous post. Haha. Oh guys, I've passed my paper 2, exam FM, financial Mathematics!!!! Congratulation to myself!!!!!

This spring semester, kind of different from all previous semesters because, THIS IS MY 3RD SEMESTER HERE!!!! Haha, I know it's not funny. Actually, I'm graduating by the end of this year. It's kind of hard to describe how I feel exactly. For more precisely, it's complicated. I'm glad that I will be graduating as I'm getting older now. By the June of this year, I'll be 23 year old and I'm still in school. As I'm graduating, there will be no more immature behaving. My sister's future will be some sort of on my shoulder once I graduated. So, the most important thing for me to do right after I graduate will be, get a full time job, in US. I'm really worried about getting a job after graduate because, til now, I only have one exam passed, zero actuarial field working experience, point zero one level of interview experience. The good thing is, I have a good resume being modified by somebody. Thank you so much SC.

On the this coming week, I'll be having interviews for summer internship. This will be chance to get decent working experience which may proceed to full time after school. Til now, I'm still lost about how to present in order to outstand from whom I'm competing with. Some of them have two paper passed, more working experience, some have even worked for insurance company. I have friends who are really willing to help me. I should really know how to appreciate their assistances. Moreover, after next week, I have two weeks left to prepare for my coming professional exam. 2nd attempt on the first exam. It's all about probability.

I might be too exaggerated, I think this coming week will decide how my opportunity in US going to be. Anyway, I have a history paper due on Tuesday. Gotta get going now. Wish me luck on my interviews.

This February is too short for me....... Here's some of the pictures I have taken in Malaysia.

Such a looooooooong time since my previous blog. Everytime I logged in to my account, starring at the screen for couple of minutes, my procrastinating virus attacked my brain again. I've tried so hard to create a new post but it seems so hard for me to complete one. Whenever I start, I'll be running out of material to write about and in the end, the new post window will be closed and you'll see nothing new in my blog. hahaha.

My life here have changed a little bit here. Finals coming, the day I'm leaving the states heading home for vacation has been pulled ahead which falls on this 22nd of December, the places I've been to in US has increased from 4 to 5(which are Chicago, Des Moines, Minneapolis, Wisconsin Dells, and the latest will be St Louis) and my status has changed to in a relationship after being single for almost 2 years. Hehe. Alright, I'll just stop writing and post some pictures here. Hope I'll kick ass in every finals of the classes I'm taking!!!!!!

After reading someone's blog, I have the mutual feeling. When we blog, we wrote something about our life. But the trend is, we usually blog about something nice for people to read, something appropriate for people to know. People don't blog something that's really happening. Frankly, the "people" I'm using, included me.

My 2nd attempt of FM, Financial Mathematic become past tense by actual time 11 am but 10.30 am actuarial society time on 8th of November 2006. I knew it's over now, but I kind of anxious about knowing whether I pass or fail. It's not the problem of how many attempts I've tried. It's because, this is our last chance to pass the old format. Starting on next year, they've decided to add more material in it. The material that I don't really understand. Derivative market. Well, I think it's actually the matter of time. I'll master it one day. Haha.

After FM, I actually planned to go crazy but...... since I'm having mgmt120 exam on Friday, I can't really lose control. So, might just have some fun and that's it. Moreover, 2 exams on next week and 1 on the following. It's not the right timing yet.

GA DARN IT!!!!!! I can't believe I did it again!!!!! Already have a scheduled concert long time ago, still be able to forget about it and thinking of going to winery tour??? O COME ON!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME??????????